What can science say about spirituality?

Bringing in ideas we would not think about.

Below is the transcript of this video. [Source: bea.st | inevolution] Have fun cracking your brains up! 🙂

Three years ago was a turning point in my life, because I finally had everything I thought I needed to be fulfilled, and I still had this voice in my head saying “I’ve got to do more to be happy”. The more that I looked at my own suffering deeply, the more I saw it in every single person around us. We have trouble standing in lines, we’re impatient with our own children. It’s as if we all think the future holds the promise for our fulfillment. I come from a scientific background, and so I wanted to use that background to understand the real root and source of why there is so much suffering. Where it’s led me has totally changed my views of the current scientific paradigm. More importantly than that, it’s changed my views on what it means to be a human being, and to be alive. I want to share this theory with you, and it is way out there, so I ask you to have a critical but open mind for the next 14 minutes, because you might not actually be what you think you are.

So who am I? I’m a human being, and I am 33 years old. But if you take a microscope and you look at any part of me, you see cells. I am a community of fifty trillion cells doing a magic dance, but if you look at any one of those cells with an even closer microscope, you see twenty trillion atoms. So I am also a community of a thousand trillion trillion atoms, but when you look at those atoms really up close they fade away, and all you see is energy. And 13.7 billion years ago, at the Big Bang, everything that we’ve ever found in the universe was was one infinitesimal, undifferentiated, pure energy.

All of us are energy. A human being is a very complex pattern of energy. I stand here as a 33 year old basically motionless, but when you look at any single part of me, I’m moving the speed of light, and I’m the age of the universe. So the question for me is: I know this conceptually, why don’t we feel it? Why do we walk around and we are so sure that we are a human being all the time, and we never feel like we are energy? Because it sounds awesome. I think the reason that we don’t notice it is because we are so distracted by the human levels of our experience that we fail to notice what is always sitting beneath. So I want to look at those distractions.

Take five seconds, and think about something that you are going to do tomorrow. What you just did is something that as far as we understand, no other organism in the entire universe can do. You just built an alternate reality inside your head. You just made a prediction about the future that has never happened in reality. This power for prediction, when you can compare alternate realities, allows you to plan for the future. From agriculture to your retirement, this has changed the face of the planet. It’s probably the most significant evolutionary step forward since walking upright.

I want to look at this tool in your head, because your mind is a thought generating machine, to make, proliferate predictions about the future, to guide and goal-orient your behavior. What does this machine look like in all of our heads in 2011?

Another experiment: take 10 seconds and stop thinking…

…Did anyone make it 10 seconds? I make it about two and then I start strategizing about how I’m going to stop thinking and then I think about that the whole time. What this means is you have such an evolutionarily advantageous tool that it’s become completely compulsive, but you’ve got to remember, no other organism does this at all. And the side effect of having the most evolutionarily advantageous tool in the entire universe sitting in your head is that you have no control over it, and when you have no control and you compulsively generate all these possible realities, you always compare them to where you are, to try and goal orient your behavior. This creates an entirely new class of human suffering. Things like jealousy, and regret about something that happened in the past, and anxiety about your future, no other organism can feel. I want to understand if it’s possible to totally eliminate those sources of suffering from humanity.

This is just a brief list of all those possible sources of suffering.

In order to find out if it is possible to remove those sources, we have to take a kind of scientific experimental objective look at ourselves. We have to look at all the layers of our own experience and try to be as objective as possible about them. This is amazingly difficult because we’re so emotionally involved in our own lives. As any of you know, if you go to a movie and you are emotionally involved, two minutes into it you totally forget that you are at a movie, and the lights turn on at the end and you are shocked back into reality. So this is even more difficult because we have to look at our own movie, the movie inside our consciousness.

We are going to do two quick experiments, which will only give a taste of something that takes much longer to kind of understand the depth of.

The first experiment is with sight. From what we understand in physics, all light is a vibration of electromagnetic field. None of those light waves intrinsically have any color, there’s just this change in frequency. But once those waves go into your eye and into your brain, you create the subjective experience of color. What this means is that you all think that you’re seeing me out here with a red shirt on, but this red only exists in your head. This entire picture you are seeing is happening inside your head; in a movie inside your consciousness, and if you remove a little bit of the attention from me directly, you can start to have some attention on yourself – noticing that you are seeing me – inside your head.

So lets do a second experiment that is even more subtle than that one. Read this sentence twice, silently to yourself…

…It’s weird, right? But you can get this very weird, subtle perspective that you can look at your own thought process objectively. You are actually listening to the soundtrack of thoughts inside your head; in your movie of consciousness.

Now imagine that I do this process for thousands of hours, and I just try to look as objectively as possible at my thoughts, my emotions, my perceptions, and even the way that my brain has modeled space and time. The more I pull the attention away from the thoughts and perceptions, the more I seem to notice myself noticing these things inside my consciousness. Eventually maybe I can pull all of the attention way from all of those layers of thoughts, perceptions, my body, my sensations – and there’s nothing left to perceive. There’s nothing left that I can consider myself because I have seen it all in front as not me. Yet the one thing that remains is this feeling of existence. I am remains. This feeling of I am. What I find when I sit in that state is that what my identity is, is beyond perception. It cannot be perceived, but it is still experienced. This I am is the root of our entire existence. I am is latent in every single aspect of our existence, but just like a fish might never notice the water that it swims in, we might never notice the I am, because it’s covered.

I am is a completely empty experience. It’s devoid of any content, and when I experience it directly, on its own, there’s the possibility for a realization.

Maybe I’m not a human being that has consciousness. Maybe I’m consciousness that is shaped into a human being.

When I see this totally empty experience, there is no content, form, structure – there’s not even a model of space and time that is generated in the mind. We’ve seen those conditions before. 13.7 billion years ago when the entire universe was an undifferentiated pure energy. So just maybe there’s the potential to realize directly, I am that energy. I always have been that energy and I always will be that energy.

Einstein said that thoughts suffer from an optical illusion of consciousness. This illusion that there is a separate person inside an environment, when in reality there’s just energy in motion, everywhere. Just like an ocean is water in motion – we can call a certain part of that ocean a wave but that gives us the illusion that the wave is a separate entity in the ocean. A wave is not in the ocean, a wave is the ocean. Similarly we might not be waves, maybe we’re the ocean. Maybe all of us are energy and we can realize that directly.

This experience could never be reduced to words – because it makes words, but it could be experienced. I think that is such an important experience that people have been trying to name it for thousands of years. They call it spiritual enlightenment. I think that the first human beings started realizing that they were fundamentally energy about 2500 years ago. All of them say the same thing – it is the complete ending of human suffering. Of course it’s the end of human suffering! All suffering is based on the illusory separation that there’s an individual in the environment, that there’s a person that has to survive, that this specific collection of a thousand trillion trillion atoms has to hold itself together. However, if I realize directly that I am energy, and I realize that the body and the mind are a temporary manifestation of that energy, then I can fully accept that the death of the body and the mind was never something that happened to me, because I was always energy and I always will be.

If I were to experience that directly, this voice in my head that tells me I have to do certain things in order to be fulfilled loses all of its power. At this very moment I never have to listen to that voice again. Everything in life becomes a game, for fun; a play. We’ve all experienced that, but it’s very hard to remember, because we were so young. Maybe we were at the beach building a sand castle and the entire world faded away because we were only building it to build it – and we weren’t trying to get somewhere else. We hadn’t even learned how to plan, so the only moment that mattered to us was right now. I think that this experience is so important and powerful that every religious tradition at its core has been trying to convince us of its importance, and if it’s true. – if the true end of all human psychological suffering is actually possible – it is the most important thing science could be studying.

When we look at monks and nuns who have meditated or prayed for thousands of hours we see remarkable shifts on their brain scans. Trillions of neural connections have changed configuration. Along with this quantifiable, objective change in the operating system of the brain, they describe a feeling of undifferentiated, infinite, oneness. To me that sounds like they are having the direct experience of being energy. Enlightenment science and enlightenment engineering would study these ancient technologies of prayer and meditation as data sets to understand what has to change in the structure of a human brain for a human being to understand that they are energy directly. We still have no idea how much modern technology could completely change our ability to understand that. Maybe it’s possible that within our lifetimes we could eradicate human suffering.

What would the world look like then, if every single one of us felt complete, felt whole, and felt interconnected?

When you let go of individual survival, all of your priorities change because you actually see the entire world as your body. You see the suffering of others as your own suffering and you want to help. What is the actual power of a human being to really benefit the world, when they are able to put the priorities of the whole system in front of themselves, even if that means they have to die in the process? How many of us can do that right now?

What if seven billion of us did that?

Maybe the one thing that keeps us from actually solving all of the other problems in the world is this persistent, flawed thought that we are separate from the world. Maybe it’s time we change our minds.

 

There is more to come. Stay hungry. 🙂

Dissecting images into perspectives.

What can these pictures tell us about ourselves?

The picture of a man with deformed surface on his face, peeling off and about to shatter away; like pieces of glass, fragile as it seems. Compare the right and left side of his face and you will see his mouth tilted upwards to the right and his right eyelid covering a quarter of the eye. Looks like this man is faced with challenges that are both pleasing and unpleasing to his eyes. His gently pursed lips comes with a tinge of hesitation but left unexpressed. The right side of his forehead in which represents the mind as a temple is exposed with nothingness but marking symbols of confusion, brokenness, irreversibility, and ineffectiveness. The left side of his face covers up his true story, enduring as long as he can to withstand the breaking down of his face. Both eyes looking straight out describes his yearn for an escape, for help, revival, for something new, and hoping to find rest.

This picture reminds me of how we as humans hide more than we seek. The two glass windows separating darkness and light. The head, manoeuvring into the dark window and the naked body is shown under heavy light. Second, only the lower body on the right and the head on the other side are drenched under sunlight. Both arms stretched out against the glass windows with one brighter than the other. Firstly, look at the dark sides of the body and compare it with the bright sides (head and lower body part). It reminds me of how she is trapped under the realm of darkness but at the same time she looks out for light despite her place of darkness. The exposed nakedness on the right connotes transparency. She may feel safer on the left side but wanting to come out but feels insecurely transparent as the world could see everything she is. Uncomfortable with how the world judges and sees the many things of her however what they know are merely appearances. In her comfort zone, she discloses herself and hiding from the world outside but still possessing a slight hope for a better world. However, she does not realise that her nakedness although was transparently uncomfortable in the world, it was covered by much light. This also conveys being under the invisible protection of light versus the visible barrier of darkness. If only she could have unshakable hope to walk strong against the odds and know that her shame, mistakes, and identity can be forgotten, forgiven, and renewed. What is protection at its best that we can think of? Well, think protection versus barriers. Can the world protect us and is this guaranteed? Where do we seek protection? Does it barricade us from something more instead?

This picture has almost similar elements with the first one. However, here is a beautiful woman with perfect features but beneath that mask of ingenuity attaches itself to the surface, giving it life. The sweetest frame as we look at the beautiful eyes and lips would be used to lure the desires of the real person. Using deceived perfection to feed imperfections of the heart will soon tire away. Eyes engrossed, lips overwhelmed. Confined by what she feels blinds her eyes from freedom.

Stop & Think: What are we hiding from? Why hide?

Fearless, timeless, love.

1 John 4: 18 – There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 

Stop & Think: Do you fear to love? if  yes, why so?

• Is it because we know there is possible hurt if we love without limits? that love can be an exhaustion instead?
• Is it because it is easy to fall from love to hate? that love can be unpredictable and temporary?
• Is it because it’s hard to love and be selfish at the same time? that perfect love seems impossible?
• Is it because we expect love in return whenever we give love? that love can be disappointing sometimes?

We fear to love because we fear being unloved. Think independently about it.

We are afraid of not getting what we want so we sometimes limit ourselves towards it. Staying within the comfort zone just because there is a fear of something we don’t even know is like being under a shadow across unseen potential of greatness. Again, fear disqualifies faith. It’s easy to fear but not easy to have faith when we doubt or use our logical minds to understand it. Like in this world, good things don’t come by easy. Faith cannot be seen but felt in the spirit. Well, the most beautiful things in this world are felt inside rather than how we use our minds to justify its beauty. For example, how do we scientifically explain attraction? or affection? or even more so, love? Even if there are scientific or psychological explanations to back it up, we know by heart that it’s definitely more than just these words of knowledge.

Just want to put it out there that “2 Timothy 1: 7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power,love and self-discipline.”

We don’t necessarily need to have reasons to love as we cannot limit love into those reasons. People always say that everything happens for a reason. Look deeper into this and you will find that rather than for a reason, it happens for a purpose.

Back to the questions above, here is what God’s love is. To me, it is indeed true love.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Love suffers long and is kind;

love does not envy;

love does not parade itself,

is not puffed up;

does not behave rudely,

does not seek its own,

is not provoked,

thinks no evil;

does not rejoice in iniquity,

but rejoices in the truth;

bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

I’ve inserted a video right on top. Tune into it and have your hearts opened. 🙂  loves.

Things unknown or unseen by the flesh.

Ecclesiastes 7

13 Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? 14 When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.

Resignation is better than indignation.

1. There are some things of God we cannot change. This is so that His plans and purposes wholly subject to His promises for us all. We cannot entirely fathom God but we can know Him deeply. Things may not go how we expect them to be but see, God does not merely give us what we think we deserve but instead, He gives us what we need. His love upon this world is so boundless that His plans and purposes are of the best; 

For us to love thy neighbour, to experience what true love is, to have patience in relationships, to create happy families, to have healthier marriages, to build stronger friendships, to have principles in dating, and so on.

2. God has appointed both the day of prosperity and the day of adversity, so man is unable to determine what will happen after him. What does this really say? Well, we obviously are not able to determine accurately of what’s going to happen next in life. Does this mean God wants us to continue suffering from insecurity? No. We know we want to have our expectations met in future or at least feel secure about it but here are two things we should know;

“Our joy does not have to be based on our circumstances.” – Joyce Meyer

Hence, every well-planned expectation ahead does not necessarily equal to the best one could ever get or experience.

“If you can see it, you don’t need faith.” – Obed Martinaz

The opposite of faith is fear. Most of us see or do things only out of fear because what is seen creates limitation. What works for the others may not work for you and what worked in the past for you may not work now or later. As sight in itself is limited to accuracy or truth, as being the deceiver of what’s more.

1 Corinthians 2

9 However, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him”– 10 but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11 For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 

5 so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.

 

A world beautifully made

If there is a purpose to this, life therefore has its own.

Roman 1:20 “For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.”

Psalm 90:2 “Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.”

Daniel 12:3 “And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.”

Genesis 1:2 “The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.”

Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

God majestically created the world, as His Spirit hovered over the earth. Most importantly, God has not finished his doings yet after He’s created the world. God is eternal; before, during, after. His purpose for us is to shine like the brightness of the sky above and the stars forever and ever! First thing that came into my mind was that light from the Sun is not more, not less. Point is, it does not stop shining. Clouds may hover it or in some situations the Sun would appear to be less brighter however, it is still not less important to life on this earth. Each one of us is as precious to God who hovers His Spirit of life unto us, just like the eternal Sun.

The missing piece found.

It is God's love that has permanently filled the void in my heart. Started to believe for more. Then comes faith, hope, and peace.

It was through His abounding grace that I was saved. His Holy Spirit touched upon my spirit of brokenness and made it whole again, Instantaneously. Drenched my soul in His Holy presence, I couldn't help but to surrender my life to Christ Jesus. From then on, it has been a wondrous journey with the Heavenly Father.

 

God's word.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Isaiah 57:15For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite."

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

Photo puzzle

Stop & think about this for a second.
What does this mean to you?

This post: Personal Interpretations.

Upcoming posts: How I see God’s love as the missing piece in my life 🙂

This picture reveals that we possess smaller hearts as we grow older. In other words, we tend to love less as we grow old. SImilarly, we tend to experience more worries, anxiety, depression and etc. as time passes by. As we age, we would have more obligations in life where independence is needed however, it is human nature to struggle with it because we were either known or used to be under emotional care, secured supply of needs and so on where dependency upon people and things were strong but always provided too. We all grew up having this knowledge subtly embedded within. The struggle towards independency is where life is not a bunch of roses anymore. See, we are all selfish beings. We tend to expect a lot of things from this world in order to please the self. But being “successfully” independent would require the right balance of it.

When hearts become smaller or hardened, it means love is less received or expressed. People might think what’s so difficult about that? ‘Just love more than you receive!‘ Well, we all know it sounds inevitably acceptable but truth is, it might be easier said than done. Again, we are all selfish beings. At the end of the day, we would somehow expect something from what is given by us. If not, it’s an issue. Imagine if one gives care to a bunch of people, expecting them to appreciate the care given. When not reciprocated properly or appreciated, that person continues giving much care knowing that it’s all still worth it although it has become an ongoing distress. As time goes by, that bunch of people react so negatively towards that person’s well-being where thoughts and emotions of hurt, frustration, impatience, giving up, not worth it, hopelessness would be resisted within. The heart hardens as the self/ego needs defence. We’re strong enough to only love at certain limits.

Sometimes we fear to love wholeheartedly because we know it would hurt
 us in some way. We have the need to express and receive permanent 
love, joy, and peace but unfortunately, life's temporary cycle 
and the human selves are not things that we can perfectly control.
 We are imperfect beings who expect perfection. 
How ironic and yet so inevitable?

❤ Michelle.

Dr. Caroline Leaf breaks down neuroscience with the word of God.

Hi everyone! Here is an interesting video to give you a background of how God has awakened my psyche. I have just recently heard Dr. Caroline Leaf spoke about ‘Toxic Thoughts’ at church and I thought it would be splendid to share this on my blog with those who are curious, hungry for knowledge, or just interested in psychology and science. Well, this is just a glance into what she has been imparting people into so if you are fond of knowing more of her works, you can start searching for her books or recordings online! 🙂

About Dr. Caroline Leaf.

Dr. Caroline Leaf received her training in Communication Pathology (BSC Logopaedics) at the University of Cape Town, South Africa. Dr Leaf also holds a Masters degree and Phd in Communication Pathology from the University of Pretoria, South Africa. Since 1981, Dr. Caroline Leaf has researched the human brain with particular emphasis on unlocking its vast, untapped potential. She as specifically focused on the cognitive neuroscientific aspects of TBI/CHI (Traumatic brain injury/Closed head Injury) and the science of thought as it relates to thinking, learning and renewing the mind, gifting and potential.

She has been received all over the world by a variety of audiences, due to her unique ability to link the scientific principles of the brain to intellectual and emotional issues in simple and practical ways.

Through years of research, she developed the Geodesic Learning™ theory (brain-compatible learning), which is a scientifically and statistically proven approach to thinking, teaching, and learning.

She has also developed the unique Switch On Your Brain® 5-Step™ Learning Process and the Metacognitive-Map™ as a learning tool, and she has presented her learning theory and Metacognitive-Map courses to more than 100,000 students worldwide.

She has published articles in academic journals and consumer magazines and has been widely interviewed in newspapers, on radio shows, and on television shows about her research and theories.

She frequently lectures to both Christian and secular audiences worldwide on diverse topics relating to optimal brain performance, including the following:

• Thinking and learning
• Controlling your thought life
• Managing stress
• Eradicating toxic thoughts
• Overcoming mental, emotional, and spiritual strongholds
• Understanding male and female brain differences
• Applying wisdom
• Identifying your unique gifts

[Source: Dr. Leaf]

Finding freedom in this temptable, yet so temporary space.

Conclusion is, I knew the problem but I did not exactly know how to face the uncertainties of this world.

Deep within, I knew that the temporary measures anyone would take could not be the best solution. Hence, I thought I should take the healthy way of healing myself so that it would stay within forever. Problem is, it stayed in my mind and not my soul. I was missing out and I realised it. I envied people who live their lives so naturally blissful. I believed I was ‘psychologically problematic’.

So, What is a life worth living if we always need to be convinced about what makes it worthy itself?

The things that make life worthy itself does not justify the core of its worth. They merely happen to succumb as ‘things’ that give spice, pleasure, and satisfaction to us, wherein could also give pain and sorrow. The solution lies inside of us so we try to find ourselves. The challenge of finding out who we are  could only happen from the contradiction between how people think of us, and how we want to think of ourselves. Where do we go from here? Nowhere. This chain has become the core of our life. There is nothing wrong with that because it’s true that we need our ego to defend, improve, or enrich ourselves. Hence, it is actually not easy to be completely selfless in the things we do. Putting ourselves before others is something that everyone would agree. I won’t say it’s wrong but it does make us get caught up with the things we thought gave us freedom. Freedom is not merely a right or an access to experience the many wonderful things in life that would be enjoyable or fulfilling. It means being able to enjoy without clinging onto them. Because if we do, and that they’re impermanent in its nature, we keep coming back for more or we switch to other more pleasurable things as some turn sour or give pain.

Looking at these, the ‘middle-way’ sounds like the best as we could both prevent from the adverse effects and strive for the satisfying effects. Unfortunately, we’re not superheroes. We’re also not perfect human beings. Well, we’re selfish and we need both of both worlds (maximising advantages and minimising disadvantages). Oh how economically selfish we can be.

After I came to realise this, I remember finding it almost impossible to be naturally selfless to the others. Being like that could only be driven by the thought that it’s a virtuous value that everyone should practise because this world is filled with selfishness. Also, I took the ‘middle-way’ of doing things close at heart and thought I really lived the best way however, I lost myself again, and again, and again.

However, the turning point of my life at that time had made me whole as a person. I finally found myself in Christ. Stay tuned. Loves.

Going well but was not well

A tinge of sorrow.

        I was someone who had to cope with depression about a few years ago. My whole world mainly revolved around someone I was enormously attached too. Just that person alone could give me all the happiness I needed in life, I thought. I was also being so vulnerable to it, firstly because my heart was so dry that I needed to feel loved. Not knowing how vicious this ‘love’ could affect me, I was naïve enough to let myself be blind to it. Truth is, it wasn’t love. It was merely an attachment, satisfaction, and addiction that were needed to fill in the void. As I put my whole life into this ‘object’ of attachment, it threatened the line between life and death. Although I knew I wasn’t happy, I was trapped. Subsequently, drowning deeper into darkness as the thought of ever losing my grip on the ‘object’ would literally haunt my soul. Dead end?

Hitting rock bottom like it was in the Dark Ages.

       Object was gone, nothing actually helped, time was moving so slow, and it really felt like the end. There was no point continuing life unless if I could delete all hurt, memories and unwanted emotions. However, I decided to start afresh so I sought psychological therapy, read loads of self-help books, get on to Buddhist philosophy and meditation, travel, had a make over and tried to be a new person. I went on to find myself. As time passed by, ‘things’ were better as I decided to further my studies in Australia. Thinking that getting rid of the ‘object’ physically and mentally by distracting myself with other more fulfilling things would just seal off my past and open up to a new beginning. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite right about that.

Struggling with personal strength.

     I used to believe that we could live a happy and peaceful one if we first understand how to ‘reorganise’ our thoughts, then ‘purify’ the mind, and finally ‘strengthen’ the inner being. I had to have principles of life to keep me going. In other words, to keep myself motivated all the time to go through bad times if that were to happen. I felt fearful and fed up to face another gloomy era that I’ve endured back then so I flooded my mind with inspirational words and thoughts to prep up for ‘war’. Drawing from what I’ve learned, I believed that we couldn’t expect this impermanent world to satisfy us so the pathway was to find permanent happiness that could live within ourselves, acting as a shield that would forever equip us for ‘war’. Hence, the answer to all life problems, I thought was, the “search of wisdom” so that wherever we go and whatever we do, wisdom itself would somehow protect us from decisions that may have negative long-term consequences, making sure our tomorrow is secure.

Underlying problems.

A controlled and wise mind could act as a defence system and a strong, rational mind could assist us in better decisions. This teaches us to win in life, but not very much highlighting the reasons to live. It basically implies that ‘life is full of suffering but if you readjust your mind you will do good.’ The question is, how do we clean up negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones with our mind itself? What I used to do was through ongoing meditation, yoga, self-development books, inspirational videos and music, mantras of wise quotes, socialise with friends, and etc. What I did was to merely convince myself every single time that I was doing well and could do better if I were to do all that stuff regularly. It was as if we as humans were ‘problematic’ beings and so, required to ‘fix’ ourselves as daily homework. Don’t we get tired of this at some point? Do we always have to do these to keep our minds enlightened?

      Taking my past as a case study, the core problem I had was the dryness in my heart. Feelings of loneliness and being unloved, had led to unstable emotions as a reaction and finally, clouding the mind with irrationality. Trying to clear the mind so that I would feel better did not really fix the hole in my heart. It was my fear to love and trust the world that had kept me motivated to equip my mind with rationality and be less emotional or sentimental. The point is, whatever I did was solely out of fear rather than, out of love so to say. Knowing what the world could do to me at anytime, I was afraid of it, whilst knowing how weak I could be if I didn’t embrace positivity, I was afraid of myself.

        Is there anything from the past that has kept you bonded with the decisions you make in the present or would make in the future? Be it negative or positive, reflect on how temporary and fragile our beliefs, values, principles, opinions, solutions, and choices can be despite expecting them to remain true in unpredictable circumstances.

Stay tuned for my next post, as I will share about the turning point that transformed my old thinking. Loves.